Faking My Smile
by soul release
Summary: No one can fake their emotions and get away with it, and Eriol questions Tomoyo's happiness. ExT - angsty, full of fluff


Faking My Smile 

By soul release

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS ^_^ __

The relentless winds blew sharply against her frozen skin, making them numb and cold, but she did not attempt to cover them from the icy breeze – instead, she walked further along this random lane where she would be alone. The cool rain poured continuously down upon her, soaking up her lilac hair and her expensive outfit, but she did not call for a drive or cry for help. 

Scientifically, the rain could be categorized as part of precipitation, which is part of the enormous water cycle, but to Tomoyo, the definition and the motive for rain was completely different. The rain was almost like a way that the world cried, yet it almost always washed her emotions away, so that her mind was less of turmoil, and more of the crystalline drops falling from the cloudy, monochrome sky.

Then suddenly, she felt her shoulder touched, and she shuddered automatically, but either way, she turned to face a pair of bright blue orbs gazing into her as if questioning her inner thoughts. Again, she gave a shudder. She did not greet him with any salutations – just simply gave him an expression of emptiness, hoping that he would just leave her alone and let her walk aimlessly in her own thoughts.

Eriol Hiiragizawa was one of her best friends – a young man around the age of nineteen with bright blue, intelligent eyes, and deep navy hair. She had been spending a large quantity of time in his company ever since Sakura and Li became official and discovered that he was built of best friend material – understanding, caring, and kind. He comforted her when she was down and spoke words of wisdom when she went berserk or sad about the loss of her beloved cherry blossom to the little wolf. But today, she didn't really want to see him or be questioned by him.

He, however, did not get this point. He held out his hand, but she did not take it. Ignoring this too, he clasped his strong hand around hers and practically steered her along another path until they reached this place where two benches stood against each other, under the …

… the cherry blossom tree – a large one with cherry blossoms blooming so thickly that it covered the benches and shielded it from the rain. She sat on one bench, and he seated himself on the other, facing her with those bright blue eyes.

"Daidouji-san, are you alright?"

She made no response, nor did she want to. Most of the time, she was the one who wanted to converse with him about her feelings, her dilemmas and everything else life threw at her. But this situation was different – no matter what he said, or how he gazed deeply into her eyes, it would not change anything – how she felt, whether she would cry, or how she'd think.

Again, he ignored her intentions and continued talking, but this time his voice grew solemn.

"You've heard, haven't you?"

Again, silence. She almost hated him for his persistence and decided to remain mute, hoping that he would stop attempting to prod into her emotions. Those emotions were always carefully well hidden, of course, where no one could take advantage of them or mock her about them, and where no one else would get hurt because of them, especially not Sakura. She felt pain, but she could never tell it … for Sakura's sake. 

"You're not happy, are you?"

Then it all burst.

She used her automatic answer, sounding almost as if a voice messaging machine. Her voice did not waver with any emotion besides venom, nor did her face express any either. She simply spoke in an even, nonhuman voice with a hard edge to it, glaring at Eriol with a homicidal stare.

"You don't have to be with someone just to love them – as long as the person you love is happy, then you should be happy. As long as Sakura is happy, then I'm happy for her. She is with whom she loves most, and that is Syaoran Li. They're engaged, and Sakura is happy. Why should I not be happy?"

He made no answer, but stared at her, leaning against the bench with a lazy aura. She continued: 

"I love Sakura, and please do not question that. I'll always love her despite the fact that she's not with me and is love with somebody else. She has her little wolf now. I am happy for her."

He laughed softly, but his eyes never left her face.

"Then why walk in the rain all alone coincidently on the day when Sakura just told you she's engaged?"

"And what is wrong with that? I love the rain. Just a coincidence." Tomoyo replied coldly, succeeding in not giving him the answer that he needed or wanted. Yet she felt afraid of him as his eyes continued to search her face as if looking for answers that were bound to be found out. They were X-raying her almost, with intelligence shining through them in a manic gleam, almost demanding the answers from her. 

"I see." But his tone was amused – a tone of which she did not get. It made her outraged to see him take her emotions lightly as if meddling them with only the purpose of amusement. So this was the friend that she had confided in for the past year? A bastard who was badgering her endlessly for answers that she blatantly did not want to provide? 

His voice turned back to the firm, serious voice.

_"You cannot hide from this world forever. You feel pain."_

Silence. And then …

She felt frustrated at Eriol, angry at him for realizing the true her, but yet regardless of all this, she realized herself as an artificial being – too afraid to speak out her emotions, and too devoted to other people's happiness, faking her smile in order to please everyone but her. She was a fool who was simply too selfless for her own good, who was not really happy about Sakura's marriage, but pretended to be so just that Sakura could be happy because Sakura's happiness was worth more to her than anything else in the world. She felt frustrated because Eriol made her realize all that.

She was scared of him – scared of his eyes that could see through her outer shell, scared of his questions that enquired her inner being, her inner emotions. She was afraid … very afraid that he'd soon comprehend her pain and tell everyone else about it. Afraid for him to realize how fragile she was … afraid that his realizations might break apart Sakura's happiness. Afraid that he'll reveal them to Sakura …

But most of all, she hated him that instant despite all the comfort she had received from him over the duration of the year. Even if she was so darn artificial, so fake to her true emotions, even if Sakura did take advantage over her unintentionally, she was not going to let him get her because she loved Sakura. And by loving her, being the blind fool of love that she was, she would do anything to protect her emotions in order to ensure her happiness. Love was hateful, but so was Eriol Hiiragizawa, and she would not let him ruin Sakura's happiness. It was none of his business to know what her emotions were – why should he give a damn about them when she didn't desired them exposed? She couldn't believe that one of her best friend's could be this ruthless, this inconsiderate. 

"It's worse if you hide the pain because you'll never have anyone to support on. I know you're bottling them up because you're afraid that Sakura will be unhappy due to your emotions, am I correct?"

He was just too darn intelligent.

"Why do you always run away from your emotions?" A simple question as it was, Tomoyo glanced up, partially irritated, partially frustrated, and partially incredulous. 

"I was never running away from anything. I'm still here in Tomoeda, can't you see?" She said, scathingly. She knew what he meant, but responded sarcastically, attempting to steer him away from this dangerous topic. It was obvious that if she did respond with veracity, then everything would explode with secrets displayed, and Sakura's teary face would fill her mind. 

"But you're running in the rain, hoping to be alone, alone from reality?"

They stared at each other for what seemed as if eternity. The eyes of Eriol possessed almost an enigmatic, calculating look – a look that she did not like because while gazing down upon them, she felt as if they contained the power to make her tell the truth … about everything. About the sentiments buried deep within her heart that once spoken, would break the true love between her dearest cherry blossom and her love, the little wolf. 

He just knew too much about her, so much in fact, that she was scared, scared of him knowing the real her, the real her than she had kept concealed for the past nineteen years of her life for the sake of other people's contentment. She got up, hoping to elude him by running away, running away from all of this. Eriol was right, she thought, but she didn't care because anything was worth it just to save Sakura's happiness. Quickly, she plotted her route of escape and followed it speedily, her heels sinking in with inches of mud – a major disadvantage to her. 

But he was too quick for her, and he quickly grasped her own, slender wrist firmly. 

"Let go!" She screamed at him.

The rain was now only a faint drizzle that continued to soak up her already wet hair. And the sky was clearing the background; behind it, a strip of vivid colors painted the sky with such cheeriness that contradicted the aura that radiated from the lilac-haired adolescent and the navy-eyed companion. 

"Running away again? I see." He smirked – a sign that she did not like. 

"Stop trying to comprehend me!" She shouted in his face, tears starting to form. "You may be my best friend, but that doesn't mean you have to know everything about me!"  She pounded his torso with her free hand, wailing and kicking with all her might, hoping, praying that he would release her. Though she knew the struggle would be futile, it was all triggered by her rage – a rage motivated through the loneliness of her heart, the frustration against her best friend, but most of all, herself. 

Then, slowly, she calmed down, though still sniffling. Through a shaky whisper, she said softly, "You'll never understand me, Hi-kun."

He suddenly brought her head to his chest, and she stayed there, weeping and sniffling a little. It was comfortable and led her away from the cruel world for a moment, hearing only his heartbeat against perfect peace until Eriol's voice broke through the stillness.

"I'm not happy…because the person I love is not happy." He said, looking significantly into her eyes, though blurred by tears, were still beautiful and angelic. He smiled a sad smile and wiped her tears. 

She didn't understand, staring at him with blank confusion … until … her lilac eyes blank. 

And she gasped, comprehension finally dawning on her …

Until she felt someone else's lips cover her own. 

*

End

_I think I specialize in writing one-shots made purely of fluff, fluff, and more fluff._

_This = pure crap, seriously._

_Oh well, I can't exactly say that I didn't try._

_Does Eriol even sound like Eriol in this story?_

_I'm trying to create a E + T story – not one-shot – but they always end up as one-shots._

_*sigh* School starts on September the 2nd. Freshman at highschool…_

_Argh, that sucks._

_You can now review without logging in… ^_^ So review, NOW!! Nooowwwwwww…mwuahahaha…err…*cough*_

_Anyways,_

_3 from soul release _


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